January 6, 2013

We Are Dancers: Two-Week Countdown!

Screen Shot 2013-02-11 at 3.03.05 PMIt’s crunch time for We Are Dancers! We have two weeks left to raise the money we need for our outreach project. So far we’ve made enough money to translate our website into Spanish, Russian, and Portuguese, and to create multilingual mini booklets for dancers… BUT we still need to raise the money to print and distribute those booklets to dancers across the city.

Our project has had a great response: Here’s a taste of some of the media coverage we’ve gotten so far:

Workplace Safety for Dancers
Cory Silverberg at About.com

Every year I say the same thing, and I think it bears repeating: sex workers are part of your life. Even if you don’t know it, they are. And this year, if you aren’t going to attend a December 17th event, but you’d like to do something or inform yourself a bit more about a part of your world that you may not know much about, check out this great project, Dancers Are Special, from a group called We Are Dancers NYC. It’s a print resource, a sort of know-your-rights-workplace-safety- manual that they want to make available in multiple languages. It may seem simple but can make all kinds of small differences.

‘We Are Dancers’ Aims to Organize the Excluded
Melissa Gira Grant at In These Times

So where can dancers who want to organize begin? As is the case for many service workers, the first step for dancers is to learn what rights they already have. But dancers may need different or additional resources than labor organizers can offer them. Rather than view this as an obstacle, We Are Dancers, a project led by current and former dancers in New York City, is using it an entry point for successful outreach.

Organized Labor’s Newest Heroes: Strippers
Melissa Gira Grant at The Atlantic

If you can imagine and appreciate the obstacles workers at megachains face in fighting for fair wages, now imagine what the strip club picket line looks like. The small pool of dancers who will risk their jobs over workplace organizing is further limited by what dancers can risk outing themselves to their friends, family and others as sex workers in the process. The price of speaking out isn’t just the “whore stigma” that all sex workers face; it could also mean discrimination at dancers’ other jobs or future jobs (thanks, Google), or could provide a bogus rationale for a dancer to lose custody of her children to a former partner or the state. It could even put dancers on the vice unit’s radar, depending where they work and how aggressive anti-prostitution policing is in their community.

Please help us continue to spread the word about this important project by sharing our Indiegogo video on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. Or make a donation if you can—any amount helps!

November 22, 2012

We Are Dancers: Launching our Indiegogo Campaign!

This week, We Are Dancers, a grassroots, peer-led group of dancers and allies that I’ve been organizing with for the past year and a half, launched the first stage of our project: a website by and for dancers, featuring legal and know-your-rights information, health and safety tips, financial advice, and other resources for dancers in New York City.

We also launched an Indiegogo campaign to raise money to fund the next stage of our project, which involves:

  • Translating the website into Spanish, Russian, and Portuguese
  • Designing and printing booklets with selected info from the website, and
  • Distributing the booklets to dancers in clubs across New York City.

This week, I was also interviewed by Melissa Gira Grant for this awesome piece she wrote for the Atlantic about dancers fighting for labor rights in the stripping industry—and all the complicated issues surrounding it.

If you can imagine and appreciate the obstacles workers at megachains face in fighting for fair wages, now imagine what the strip club picket line looks like. The small pool of dancers who will risk their jobs over workplace organizing is further limited by what dancers can risk outing themselves to their friends, family and others as sex workers in the process. The price of speaking out isn’t just the “whore stigma” that all sex workers face; it could also mean discrimination at dancers’ other jobs or future jobs (thanks, Google), or could provide a bogus rationale for a dancer to lose custody of her children to a former partner or the state. It could even put dancers on the vice unit’s radar, depending where they work and how aggressive anti-prostitution policing is in their community.

For all these reasons and more, it’s obvious that there’s no simple solution to the question of how to secure labor rights for dancers. That’s why We Are Dancers is taking the approach of creating and distributing resources by and for dancers. Our goal is to provide information and support to empower dancers to make their own decisions about whether and how to take action against labor violations in strip clubs. And, if we can raise the $5000 we need to complete our outreach project, we will be able to make these resources available to hundreds—if not thousands—of dancers across the city. So, if you care about dancers’ rights, please check out our website, make a donation, and tell everyone you know about our project!

October 18, 2012

“Right over there, near the sex workers.”

This recent article on Narratively about sex worker activists was problematic on many levels, not least the author’s repeated emphasis on drawing a black and white distinction between the “brainy” “intellectual” sex workers who have “chosen prostitution out of feminism or pride or sexual liberation,” and the others (who, by implication, are stupid?).

But that’s a whole different post. For now I just want to focus on this paragraph near the beginning of the piece, when the author is setting the scene for the description of a community picnic hosted by the sex worker activist organizations SWOP-NYC and SWANK:

“On a stunning afternoon last April, the scene on a small hill in the middle of Central Park seems plucked from a snow globe purchased in a tacky tourist shop, except with Frisbees, baseballs and kites instead of floating flecks of white. Near a tall oak there’s a gaggle of tiny children laughing and playing tag—right over there, near the sex workers.” (emphasis mine)

As my friend Penelope Saunders, a fellow parent, activist, and SWOP-NYC member, pointed out, while this may be a throwaway comment, the idea that it is somehow shocking or funny for sex workers to be hanging out near kids in a public space is not only ridiculous but also does real damage by further denying the existence of sex worker parents—and their kids.

In fact, I attended that very picnic with my then-one-year-old daughter. So there was actually a child at the sex workers’ picnic, not just nearby. It never would’ve occurred to me—nor should it have—that hanging out in the park with my friends, some of whom happen to be sex workers, could be in any way inappropriate for my daughter. Sex workers are people, many of whom interact with kids on a daily basis. Maybe one day people will stop being shocked or amused by that concept.

October 3, 2012

Should You Tell Your Kid You’re a Sex Worker?

I wrote this article on Offbeat Mama about sex worker parents and the dilemmas we face when it comes to deciding whether or not to tell our kids.

After all, society sends a pretty clear message that sex workers and kids don’t mix. Last year, a Bronx elementary school teacher lost her job because she wrote about her past experiences as a prostitute, and sex worker parents who end up in custody battles too often end up losing their kids because of their jobs. The reality is that most sex workers have kids, and most of them trade sex in order to support their kids and spend more time with their kids — in other words, to be better parents. Yet, because we can’t talk about sex work and kids in the same sentence without causing hysteria, these millions of parents are rendered invisible, forced to hide a significant part of their identities, and sometimes even denied the right to parent their children.

So how are sex worker parents supposed to deal with this? Lie for eighteen years and hope their kids don’t find out — or is there another way?

Read more…

This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about over the last few years, so I’m excited to have finally written something about it. But there’s still so much more to say, and I’m already frustrated about some of the things that got left out of this one, so hopefully this will be the first of many articles on the complicated issues around parenting and sex work.

October 1, 2012

Kids’ Books: Ezra Jack Keats

One of the most fun things about being a parent is getting to seek out cool books to read to your kids. Of course, I remember the books I loved as a child (everything by Roald Dahl) and as a teenager (everything by Judy Blume), so I can’t wait to help my daughter discover those books when she’s older. But right now she’s two, and since I don’t remember what I liked to read as a two year old, discovering awesome books for toddlers has been a whole new experience.

And of course, since I just can’t help making everything political, my main criteria for “awesome books” has become books that are socially progressive in some way. It’s not hard to notice that the majority of kids books, including most of those considered classics, feature boys, or at least boy animals, as the main characters. Most of the kids—or animals—have one mom and one dad, and the mom is usually the primary caregiver. And kids of color, if included at all, are usually not the main characters. (I know, welcome to the world of media.) So, in an attempt to counter these messages about what constitutes a “normal family,” I’ve been trying to seek out books that provide a more realistic representation of different kinds of kids and families.

I originally discovered the work of Ezra Jack Keats through a discussion thread on the anti-racist parenting blog Love Isn’t Enough, and he has since become one of my absolute favorite authors of children’s books. In addition to being really cute and original stories with stunning illustrations, Keats’ books are set in urban settings and feature mostly kids of color (although Keats himself was white).

Using [his] personal memories, Ezra Jack Keats fashioned simple stories that reflected the universal concerns of children: the joys and sorrows of a snowy day, inviting friends to a birthday party, participating in the local pet show, the problems created by a new sibling. In his books these universal experiences are played out in a city environment, with graffiti and peeling paint, dark corners and alleys, a landscape made beautiful by his own vision.

This is from the introduction to Keats’s Neighborhood: An Ezra Jack Keats Treasury (2002), which I couldn’t resist getting my daughter for her birthday. So far she is a bit overwhelmed by so many stories in one book and usually just wants to read The Snowy Day over and over again, so for the moment I am enjoying the rest of the stories by myself.

September 29, 2012

More on Gender and Clothes

Thinking again about gendering kids through clothes, I wanted to post a link to this article by Liz Rose-Cohen, because I think it’s a powerful reminder of why this stuff actually matters.

From “So why DOES my black son wear pink shoes?

But purple profile pictures or not, it’s hard to unload this baggage we’ve been carrying for a life time. And so I hear it in on the playground, around the neighborhood, in the hallway at school. “I’ve got boxes of clothes waiting for you,” one mom says to another. “I hope your baby’s a girl ‘cause I’ve got so many sweet things I could never put on my son.” And it’s hard to imagine how we can hold these things in our brains at the same time. How we can be sticking like crazy to these arbitrary gender rules, even for infants, and then saying we’re committed to ending anti-gay-bullying in schools. Because that’s what anti-gay bullying is: picking on kids who cross the lines. And who are the first people to draw those lines? Who are the first to tell our sons they can’t wear pink? To insinuate that no boy should wear pink? We are. Even before they are born. Listen carefully while I say that again: we start training our kids to bully their gay peers even before they are born.

Seriously.

August 31, 2012

Choosing Pink

I was raised by a feminist mom who dressed me in “boy” clothes and made me play with toy cars and Workshop Willie, while I longed for pink and My Little Ponies. I remember watching commercials for kids’ toys as a four year old while she provided a running commentary about gender stereotypes, and for this introduction to media literacy I am eternally grateful. But I’m not sure if being denied the “girl” stuff I craved was really helpful. I definitely grew up thinking it was bad to be “girly” or femme, and I still feel a sense of guilt when I wear heels. So I always swore I would give my kids complete freedom to wear whatever they wanted. Now that I have a two-year-old daughter, however, I’m finding it’s not that simple.

Even though my daughter hasn’t been exposed to much TV, she already points out “girls” and “boys” in books and at the playground, based on the clothes they’re wearing, and she is already learning that she gets more approval from the world when she wears pink clothes. Whenever she wears a dress, people compliment her on how pretty she looks, so I don’t think it’s a coincidence that, when given a choice, she usually wants to wear a dress.

As a result, I have found myself slipping into the role my mother played and battling to try to get my daughter to wear red or green when she wants to wear pink. And I know that’s not the right way to handle it, because I really, really don’t want her to think there’s anything wrong with wearing pink or being a girl. I want her to choose how she expresses herself and her gender. I just wish I believed she was making a free choice.

Of course, I know there’s no such thing as a free choice, and there’s way to know how our kids would choose to express their gender outside the constraints of societally proscribed gender roles. I also know that my daughter’s choices are still her choices and I need to respect them. It’s just hard not to push back when you see your child beginning to absorb the cultural pressures that you wish you could protect her from.

August 27, 2012

Classism and the “Milk Wars”

I really like this post by Jessica Valenti about the classism inherent in the attitudes of “breastfeeding supremacists.” (I take this term to mean people who think that all mothers should breastfeed if they possibly can, not people who want more education and support around breastfeeding—those are not the same thing.)

“You’re depressed and exhausted? Come on, you just need to sacrifice a little more! You have never-ending breast infections? Suck it up and get your ass to a La Leche league meeting! (Oh, you have to work? That sucks.) Your baby is premature and the stress of the NICU has left you with almost no milk? Just take this vitamin, drink this oatmeal shake and pump your breasts for fifteen minutes every hour! You don’t have a job that has a pump room or refrigerator? Well what’s more important – your job or feeding your child? (Someone actually said this to me once) You don’t have the time or physical and mental energy to do this? Sorry, but this is the natural way – better that you’re ready to jump out a window than give your baby formula.”

It’s really important to acknowledge that some people choose not to breastfeed, for all kinds of reasons, not necessarily because they are uneducated or “duped” by marketers. Many sex workers, for example, have to go back to work soon after giving birth (needless to say, most sex workplaces don’t provide paid maternity leave), and having leaky breasts and/or cracked and painful nipples is hardly conducive to money-making. Are they selfish, too? Or are they making the decidedly unselfish decision to provide for their kids? Is that something the breastfeeding supremacists have even considered?

So can we respect parents’ choices and focus on the real issues, starting by mandating paid parental leave for moms and dads?

December 9, 2011

A Sample of My Early Work

I didn’t start this blog to document my childhood literary creations, but I recently rediscovered my first book, The Lost Mummy Cat, which I wrote at the age of four, and I couldn’t resist sharing it.

Translation: “Once upon a time.” The letters are all there. They’re just unconventionally ordered.

“There was a cat and it came from the zoo.” As you can see, this book was made from recycled paper, courtesy of my medieval historian dad.

 “And then they found a little girl.”

This is where it gets intense. A prize for anyone who can figure out what I was trying to say here.

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